my heart is hurting...

It has now been a month since our court approval...and one more month until our USCIS approval expires (June 26th).  Each day has brought excitement, concern, anticipation, joy, and sadness.  One minute I am up.  The next down.  Joshna is in my heart every day, even though she is not yet in my arms.  I look forward to those first moments together, but then I am reminded that we are not there yet.  We have the verbal approval from the court, but the court documents are not yet ready.  If the documents came today, the orphanage would receive them and send them on to apply for her Indian passport.  That process takes an additional ten business days, putting us around June 10th....that is, if her documents come today.  The longer they take to arrive, the closer we come to our June 26th deadline.  It takes about a week in New Delhi, after we pick up Joshna, to have her tested for TB and finish paperwork at the US Embassy for her visa.  This puts us around June 17.  Our social worker has now expressed concern about how close we are cutting it to that deadline, so she is wanting us to go ahead and reapply with the USCIS.  This will require another home study, redundant paperwork, and the extra cost and time.  This seems like the last hurdle at the end of a very long race, and I am just not sure how I am going to possibly get my body over something so very high.  It seems I will just collapse into it and not be able to get up.  Of course I will get up, for Joshna, but I have lost any momentum I may have had.  God, please be my strength!  Please carry me across the finish line and bring our daughter home!

We are parents again!!!

Just heard the news that the courts approved us to be Joshna's parents!  I'll write more later...so full of excitement and joy!  Thanks again for the prayers!

The power of prayer...again!

Yesterday we requested prayer from our family and friends.  With three days of court remaining before the summer holidays and monsoon season, we needed a miracle.  We received that miracle!  God is so good (regardless of the outcome!).  We received news from our social worker that our case is scheduled to go before the judge tomorrow (which is now today), Wednesday, April 27th.  One friend in Houston prayed specifically for an answer soon saying, "God, today would be good."  Just a few hours later we had an answer to that prayer.  Once again, God heard and was gracious enough to give us a quick answer.

I looked up our case online in the Chennai (Madras) court system.  We are case #1588.  It was so exciting to see our case "Pending."  I will keep checking back until I see the final outcome..."Approved!"  Until then, please keep up the prayers....we know how powerful God is!

The roller-coaster of life...

Whew...much has happened since my last post.  At the beginning of April, my Dad experienced an esophageal tear (spontaneous...will probably never have one again). Because he was on blood thinners for his atrial fibrillation to prevent another stroke (he had one 2 1/2 years ago), he lost about 60% of his blood with this tear.  Thankfully the doctors were able to close the tear, and he began healing very well.  Because the tear needed time to heal, they took him off the blood thinner during that time.  Two weeks from the day of his tear, he was given the okay to restart the blood thinner.  That morning Dad had a stroke.  I was with him and was able to give aspirin immediately, an ambulance came within minutes, and the clot buster drug, tPA, was given within two hours of the stroke.  He has stabilized and is in the process of recovery and will continue to be in the months ahead.

In the meantime, not much has progressed with the adoption...that is, until yesterday.  I received a call from our social worker that the Indian courts do not close in mid-May, as once thought.  They are closing this Friday, April 29th...three days--not three weeks--from now.  The good news is that we have a case number and are in the Chennai (Madras) court system.  It does not show a potential date for our case, but the social worker in India is "still hopeful" that our case will be heard before the close.  The good news in all of this? I am "still hopeful" that whatever the outcome, it will be the best timing possible.  I am not anxious or afraid as I once was.  There is a great peace that the best result will happen with both the adoption and with Dad's recovery (the "best" is not necessarily what I consider "best").  I am confident that this peace is a great gift from God.  So many have prayed for us at times when we were struggling to pray...thank you all!

So the waiting continues.....As we go through the ups and downs of good news and hard news, we do continue to trust in the will of God.  Will there ever be a time when I learn that I am NOT in control???  Maybe when I am 98 years old? :)  Until then, I will hopefully learn to trust Him more and more.

God heard our prayers! We've been scrutinized! :)

In the days of his flesh, Jesus offered up prayers and supplications, with loud cries and tears, to him who was able to save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverence.

                                         - Hebrews 5:7 ESV


This passage of Scripture is a great comfort right now...to know we have a God who hears us!  He knows our concerns, even before we know therm.  His Spirit is able to intercede on our behalf, even through our loud cries and tears.  What is even more of a comfort is reading the next verse, Hebrews 5:8..."Although he was a son, he learned obedience through what he suffered."  Yes, God heard his cries.  Does that mean he prevented Jesus, his own son, from dying on the cross for us?  Does that mean that Jesus rebelled and avoided the cross to keep from experiencing pain?  Jesus obviously obeyed.  


When our family requested prayer to bring Joshna home soon (the Day of Prayer for Joshna was on Tuesday, March 29), I knew God would hear our prayers.  What I didn't know was would he answer those with the results I wanted to see?  I was preparing myself for delayed results, trying to learn through this suffering, trying to prepare myself for the possibility that God has other plans for the adoption.  Little did any of us know that God was at work in Chennai on Tuesday!  Our case went before the Scrutiny Hearing, and we were approved to adopt Joshna!!!  PRAISE GOD!!!!!


We are truly humbled that God would work so quickly to move within the governmental system to grant us approval.  We want to express our deep gratitude for all of our friends and family (and even those we have never met!) for your countless prayers that went out on Tuesday--and for the many prayers throughout the past few years!  We did want to approach God reverently, not with the assumption that He would grant our wish immediately.  We thank God for his goodness and mercy to us and to our daughter!


The end of this process is nearing, and the next season of adjustment will soon begin.  While we are grateful for your prayers, we would like to request continued prayer for the following:

•  praise for the answered prayers!
•  for a court date to be set quickly
•  for the judge to show up to court on the date set
•  for a judge who will look upon our case favorably
•  for Joshna's passport to be issued quickly
•  for emotional preparation for the entire family, especially Joshna and Ellie

How is your weight?

A friend recently asked me, "How's your weight?"  "My weight?!?!?  Well, I have gained a few pounds.  Why do you ask?"  She replied, "Oh no!  No, not your weight!  Your wait!  How is the wait on the adoption going?"  I started thinking...how is my wait?  Am I filled with fear and distress, or am I filled with hope and confidence, trusting that God will complete His plan for us?  So much time has passed that I have begun to let doubt enter my thoughts.  Today and tomorrow mark the 3 1/2 year mark from the date we submitted our first round of paperwork and Joshna's 3 1/2 year birthday.  How many adoptions have I seen started and completed by others during this time?  Do I believe He is using this time to prepare Joshna and to prepare us?  Am I trusting that God truly is in control and has ordained a special time frame just for us?  Unfortunately, no.  Thankfully, God gives us grace....and He will give us Grace (Joshna's middle name)!  When my stepmother replied to an email requesting prayer for the adoption, she replied saying, "Thanking God in advance for the great things He will do!"  Wow!  When I think of that it gives me goosebumps.  God is doing great things and will continue to do great things!  Unfortunately, I have chosen to be blind to that at times.  He hears our prayers and is faithful to complete his work, despite our failure to trust Him.  So now when someone asks, "How's your wait?", I want to be able to respond that it is going well...that I am trusting God alone as His plan unfolds.

We do thank each of you for your prayers for Joshna's adoption into our family, and we look forward to the day we can send out updated news on how God has been at work!

Brilliant Light in the Midst of Darkness!

When I first heard Joshna's name (the Indian spelling of her name is Jyotsna), my first reaction was to search the meaning.  Unfortunately, I was unable to find an accurate description.  From what I could tell, I came to the conclusion that it was just the name of one of the Hindu goddesses.  I wrote a previous blog about my disappointment in not knowing the meaning...thankfully...because an Indian friend read the blog (thank you, Sonar!).  He inquired with his family to find the meaning of the name--a light.  But they said it is not just any light...it is a brilliant light in the midst of extreme darkness.  Wow!  What a sweet reference to the grace of God!  Such an incredible gift...this name of hers!  Little does our precious girl know the significance of her name when we use it to draw her into our family.  This one little piece of information came at such a needed moment as we wait.  It reminds me to keep my focus on Him, not on my own hopes and plans.