There's a wocket in my pocket???

Well, today is Valentine's Day.  That means our family, for the past fourteen days, has been giving each other little goodies to show a small token of our love and appreciation for each other.  These goodies--be it a homemade picture, silly band bracelets, or bubble gum--are placed in a special box or pocket made for each individual member of the family.  We call them "Love Pockets," after we discovered this idea from Ellie's preschool.  In case you may be wondering, yes, Joshna has her very own Love Pocket.  She is already a part of our family in so many ways, despite not being physically present, that we wanted her to know how much she is loved when she comes home to find her goodies waiting for her...even months after Valentine's is officially over.  Today's love pocket gift was a new thermos for the upcoming India trip.  Ellie received a blue thermos with her newest favorite character, Toy Story, while Joshna received a purple Tinkerbell one.  It has been special to find little treats for both girls!  I look forward to the day when they are both here to open next year's love pockets together!

I need to keep remembering this when I face rough days.  Yesterday during the worship service at church, I could not keep from crying.  It was breaking my heart to know Joshna was not there sitting with us, her family, where she belongs.  Ideally she would have come home on March 29, 2010...the day she was eligible for international adoption.  But God has another plan for our family.  I do appreciate this time to prepare for her homecoming.  I am just ready for that to happen.  The approvals seem to take so long!  We did just receive a Valentine email from our social worker saying she heard that our case has been filed with the Chennai court for our "scrutiny hearing" but to not count on anything happening for at least another month.  Even though this is good news, my heart is not becoming excited.  I am tired and worn down from this process.  After almost 3 years and five month of waiting, I am definitely feeling helpless and weak.  Yes, this is pointing me to God, who is not helpless and weak!  He will bring her home in His timing.  Until then, I will work on making the girls' room ready and wait....and wait....and wait!

Approval!!!

"Oh give thanks to the LORD for he is good;  for his steadfast love endures forever!"  -1Chronicles 16:34

Well, the long awaited day is here! We finally received our NOC (non-objection certificate) from CARA (Central Adoption Resource Agency). Our dossier was submitted in June, so we were very ready for this day! Just one week ago I wrote about my frustrations and how I was learning...and needed to continue to learn...to turn things over to God. I needed to trust in His timing, not mine. Well, His timing is perfect! He really did use this time to teach me complete reliance upon Him. I have a feeling we will be continuing to learn about His timing from this point.

The first question people have asked when they hear this news is, "What happens next?"  Well, here is what our social worker had to say, "The orphanage will be filing her case with the Chennai court within the next week and then there will be the Scrutiny and final hearings."  This sounds like great news--it is!  Unfortunately, the timing for the Indian courts is not the same timing for the US courts.  There are many national holidays, judges can change, judges go on holiday...you get the point.  Some people wait six or seven months for the court approval.  We do have one advantage in that our I-600 approval does expire in June, so hopefully they will expedite our case by that time, should we reach it.

Please continue to pray.  We do want to send out prayers of thanksgiving for God's mercy in giving us approval with CARA to adopt Joshna.  They could have requested much more paperwork from us, which would have slowed us down even more.  We are grateful for approval the first time! 

Please pray for Joshna to continue to be held safe in God's hands, for her to be surrounded by his Spirit, for her to be held and played with often, for her to have plenty of nourishment and rest, and for her to know of Christ's love and our love for her.  As she receives our family photo album, please pray that she would register who we are--her forever family.  Pray that she would begin to have an excitement to join our family.  Pray for her heart to be prepared for the huge change about to happen in her life with moving here and leaving all she knows.  Pray for her caregiver to be prepared for her to leave--that God will fill her heart with peace and with a potential child to care for in the future.  Pray for her health to remain strong through it all.  And once again, praise God for his goodness and love! 

Please also pray for our family here, as we undergo so much change.  Pray for Ellie to know without any doubts how much she is loved!!!  This will be a hard adjustment for her.  In reading this blog someday, she may see just how much we longed for Joshna and prayed for her to join our family.  Unfortunately, I did not blog when Ellie was born, otherwise there would be just as many posts about our prayers, excitement and anticipation of the day she would be born!  My heart yearned--and still does yearn--for our precious daughter, Ellie!  Pray that she would feel this love, that she would know she is not being replaced or becoming less important.  Pray that she would have a great love for her sister and that her sister would have a great love for her.  Pray that she would continue to have a good routine through the transition and that she too will feel God's love and our love for her.

As far as logistics go, please pray for a court date to be set soon.  Please pray for a favorable judge, one who will show up to court.  Pray for our acceptance of whatever timing is right for Joshna to come home, even if that means waiting even more months.  Pray for our faith in God to not waiver, for our trust to be in Him and not ourselves.  Pray that we will be able to communicate with the dear ladies at the orphanage (Christ Faith Home for Children in Chennai, India) just how much we love them and are grateful for them for caring for our precious girl!

Our hearts are so overwhelmed with many emotions right now.  We are just so grateful to our dear family and friends for your love and support throughout this process.  I know, the process is just getting started...it's called life.  God knows who we need for encouragement and love through the process.  Just know that we are grateful for the people he has put in our lives.  Thank you for the many prayers!

Praise the LORD!  Praise the LORD!!!

"Oh Where Is My Hairbrush???"--I mean paperwork?

For those of you who are familiar with the Veggie Tales silly songs, you probably know the one about the hairbrush....in fact, you probably can't get it out of your head right now.  "Oh where is my hairbrush?  Oh where is my hairbrush? Oh where, oh where, oh where, oh where, oh where...is my hairbrush????"  Well, instead of hairbrush, insert "paperwork."  I am asking that right now.  We have not had any negative news about misplaced paperwork, but I am beginning to feel that our paperwork could have been misplaced somewhere along the way.  Is it really in CARA's office waiting approval?  I just left a message for our social worker, so hopefully it will be checked and we will be given a response soon.  Who knows, the inquiry may just be what it takes to remind someone out there just how long we have been waiting.  Until then, I will try to keep trusting in God's perfect timing.  I will try to focus on what He is teaching me and how He is preparing our family during the wait.

No news for 2010...hurry home in 2011!

Christmas has come and gone.  Our prayers for Joshna to be home by then were not in God's plan.  Our prayers for news of acceptance by then were not in that plan either.  Tonight is New Year's Eve.  I have not blogged in such a long time because it has been so heart-wrenching!  There were times I burst into tears during the worship services this Christmas.  It is hard to live during this season of celebration when our daughter is not home.  It would have been a bit overwhelming for Joshna's adjustment for her to come home during Christmas.  If I had to admit it, I really did not want her to endure that.  What would have been a wonderful gift would have been to at least hear news that we had CARA approval.  To know we are moving forward would have been a great encouragement during a year of difficulties with the process.  Here it is, the end of 2010, and I feel we are where we were many months ago...waiting.  

It is hard to have people ask about news of the adoption because there never seems to be news.  Tears come to my eyes and a lump in my throat when people ask.  There is recognition of that emptiness, knowing Joshna is not yet home.  Not only that, but she does not even know about us.  Does she wonder why no one is adopting her when families come for the other children?  Does she cry for a mom?  Does she have any idea what is waiting for her--parents, sister, pets, extended family, close friends, and a community that has waited a long time for her?  

I want to know it will happen soon (especially since our US approval expires in June), but it is hard for me to pray for this anymore.  Is my faith really that shallow?  I know God knows.  I know He hears my heart, even when words cannot be articulated.  It just seems hard to believe that a little girl sits in an orphanage for an extended time when she could be with her family!  These are crucial years, and I want to be the one to have an impact on them.  I know, God is trying to teach me that He has the impact on all the years, not me.  He knows the right time, and He will raise her and protect her and provide for her while she is in India...and after coming home.  This knowledge still does not ease the heartache while we wait.  I want to post the blog that reads..."Approval!!!"  It would have been great to have this post dated in 2010.  At least something will happen in 2011.  Until then, the ticker of time waiting for Joshna ticks on....

Birthday Bash!

Well, today is Joshna's third birthday!  We are so excited, yet so anxious for her to come home.  The three of us--Chip, Ellie, and I--had a birthday dinner for her where we celebrated on her behalf.  The chair at the head of the table where Chip normally sits for dinner was kept empty with some balloons...it will be the place where she will sit to celebrate her 4th birthday next year.  We put four cupcakes with confetti sprinkles on our red "You are special today" plate, one for each person in the family.  Ellie did get to blow out Joshna's birthday candle for her--and eat the extra cupcake! :)--and we all signed a card and took pictures to let her know in the years to come that she is an important part of our family even though she is not present with us this year.  We are so very thankful for her birth and for her being brought to our family.

I think of her birth mother and what she went through on this day.  Was she alone?  Was she sick and in pain?  What I would not give to know her and to have been there with her to hold her hand, to tell her it was going to be okay.  It breaks my heart to think she will not see her precious child grow up.  God has a plan, however, and I hope to be connected with her to share in the joy of knowing Joshna.

It is strange to think that I do not yet know Joshna.  She is our daughter (despite the formality of approval from CARA and the Indian and US courts), yet I have no idea what her personality is like.  Is she silly?  pensive?  rambunctious?  artistic?  We are closer than ever to bringing her home and finding out all of these exciting traits (even if a trait is sleeplessness...at least we will be sleepless together!).  When I bought her some clothes and books recently, I asked myself, "Will Joshna like this?"  It is amazing to think that I will have a clearer direction in the years to come when she is able to communicate with me about her favorite colors, styles, subjects, animals, and so much more.  I long for the day when we travel to India to begin our amazing journey with her!  Until then, I blog!

What time is it? Time to start trusting.

It is 12:20 am (10:50 am in Chennai).  Another night of not being able to sleep.  Thoughts about Joshna go through my mind, yet I am powerless to bring her home any sooner.  It is now the end of August, 2010, and there is absolutely nothing new to report.  I am just as helpless tonight as I was when our paperwork was submitted.  The only detail of significance  is CARA (the organization in India that needs to approve us before we can go to the courts) is going through some "restructuring."  What?!?!?  Of all times to restructure they had to pick now!  Don't they know a little girl is sitting in an orphanage waiting to join her family?

I keep myself busy reading the adoption books--whew, who knew there are so many out there!  I am ready to sign up for all of the counselors and support groups east of the Mississippi.  :)  Between the delays in India and the parenting forecast these books give, there is potentially a great loss of hope.  What was it that we called Joshna before we knew her name....Asha?  Oh, that's right!  Has it really been that long since I have thought of our daughter as Hope?  We called her that to remind ourselves to hold onto hope when our circumstances told us otherwise.

Do I really trust God?  Am I putting my hope in Him, or do I put my hope in the smooth sailing I expect in my life?  When Joshna is not brought home within my timing, do I trust that God still has her best interest in store?  Unfortunately, I would love to say yes--I do in my head--but I have forgotten this in my heart when I grumble and complain.  Thankfully, this is part of why Joshna's middle name will be Grace.  Whew...thank goodness for GRACE!  So what time is it?  Time to start trusting God and His plan, not mine.  Time to turn over my worries and cares for Joshna, knowing He is holding her in the palm of His hand and knows every hair on her head and every need she may have.  Time to be thankful for the time He is giving us to prepare.  And time to go to bed!

Paperwork to India!

Tomorrow the extensive paperwork we have been completing these past three years will finally be sent to India!  Sometimes the orphanage's filing system (a huge metal cabinet full of papers stuffed in no particular order) can lend itself to lost papers.  Please pray that our 10 pounds of paperwork (about 5 inches thick) would arrive in tact and would somehow stay on the top of every desk pile it may cross.  Pray that there would be no missing or extra required pieces that they request from us and that CARA will approve us to adopt Joshna very quickly.

We are grateful for the prayers and support during this time we wait for our daughter to come home!  We are so full of so many emotions that it is hard to put everything into words.  How can someone who does not know us or anything outside her small little world fathom the idea of joining a family?  Will she associate us with her family from our pictures and recognize us when we come to bring her home?  We are all so excited about this transition for our family that it is hard not to jump ahead of ourselves to think about that special day we come home with Joshna.  For now, I will just think about the paperwork...and the seven books and papers we have for our homework to prepare (which is due in two weeks--yikes!).  So if there are no updates in a while, you know why!  At least this will help pass the time.  :)