No news for 2010...hurry home in 2011!

Christmas has come and gone.  Our prayers for Joshna to be home by then were not in God's plan.  Our prayers for news of acceptance by then were not in that plan either.  Tonight is New Year's Eve.  I have not blogged in such a long time because it has been so heart-wrenching!  There were times I burst into tears during the worship services this Christmas.  It is hard to live during this season of celebration when our daughter is not home.  It would have been a bit overwhelming for Joshna's adjustment for her to come home during Christmas.  If I had to admit it, I really did not want her to endure that.  What would have been a wonderful gift would have been to at least hear news that we had CARA approval.  To know we are moving forward would have been a great encouragement during a year of difficulties with the process.  Here it is, the end of 2010, and I feel we are where we were many months ago...waiting.  

It is hard to have people ask about news of the adoption because there never seems to be news.  Tears come to my eyes and a lump in my throat when people ask.  There is recognition of that emptiness, knowing Joshna is not yet home.  Not only that, but she does not even know about us.  Does she wonder why no one is adopting her when families come for the other children?  Does she cry for a mom?  Does she have any idea what is waiting for her--parents, sister, pets, extended family, close friends, and a community that has waited a long time for her?  

I want to know it will happen soon (especially since our US approval expires in June), but it is hard for me to pray for this anymore.  Is my faith really that shallow?  I know God knows.  I know He hears my heart, even when words cannot be articulated.  It just seems hard to believe that a little girl sits in an orphanage for an extended time when she could be with her family!  These are crucial years, and I want to be the one to have an impact on them.  I know, God is trying to teach me that He has the impact on all the years, not me.  He knows the right time, and He will raise her and protect her and provide for her while she is in India...and after coming home.  This knowledge still does not ease the heartache while we wait.  I want to post the blog that reads..."Approval!!!"  It would have been great to have this post dated in 2010.  At least something will happen in 2011.  Until then, the ticker of time waiting for Joshna ticks on....

Birthday Bash!

Well, today is Joshna's third birthday!  We are so excited, yet so anxious for her to come home.  The three of us--Chip, Ellie, and I--had a birthday dinner for her where we celebrated on her behalf.  The chair at the head of the table where Chip normally sits for dinner was kept empty with some balloons...it will be the place where she will sit to celebrate her 4th birthday next year.  We put four cupcakes with confetti sprinkles on our red "You are special today" plate, one for each person in the family.  Ellie did get to blow out Joshna's birthday candle for her--and eat the extra cupcake! :)--and we all signed a card and took pictures to let her know in the years to come that she is an important part of our family even though she is not present with us this year.  We are so very thankful for her birth and for her being brought to our family.

I think of her birth mother and what she went through on this day.  Was she alone?  Was she sick and in pain?  What I would not give to know her and to have been there with her to hold her hand, to tell her it was going to be okay.  It breaks my heart to think she will not see her precious child grow up.  God has a plan, however, and I hope to be connected with her to share in the joy of knowing Joshna.

It is strange to think that I do not yet know Joshna.  She is our daughter (despite the formality of approval from CARA and the Indian and US courts), yet I have no idea what her personality is like.  Is she silly?  pensive?  rambunctious?  artistic?  We are closer than ever to bringing her home and finding out all of these exciting traits (even if a trait is sleeplessness...at least we will be sleepless together!).  When I bought her some clothes and books recently, I asked myself, "Will Joshna like this?"  It is amazing to think that I will have a clearer direction in the years to come when she is able to communicate with me about her favorite colors, styles, subjects, animals, and so much more.  I long for the day when we travel to India to begin our amazing journey with her!  Until then, I blog!

What time is it? Time to start trusting.

It is 12:20 am (10:50 am in Chennai).  Another night of not being able to sleep.  Thoughts about Joshna go through my mind, yet I am powerless to bring her home any sooner.  It is now the end of August, 2010, and there is absolutely nothing new to report.  I am just as helpless tonight as I was when our paperwork was submitted.  The only detail of significance  is CARA (the organization in India that needs to approve us before we can go to the courts) is going through some "restructuring."  What?!?!?  Of all times to restructure they had to pick now!  Don't they know a little girl is sitting in an orphanage waiting to join her family?

I keep myself busy reading the adoption books--whew, who knew there are so many out there!  I am ready to sign up for all of the counselors and support groups east of the Mississippi.  :)  Between the delays in India and the parenting forecast these books give, there is potentially a great loss of hope.  What was it that we called Joshna before we knew her name....Asha?  Oh, that's right!  Has it really been that long since I have thought of our daughter as Hope?  We called her that to remind ourselves to hold onto hope when our circumstances told us otherwise.

Do I really trust God?  Am I putting my hope in Him, or do I put my hope in the smooth sailing I expect in my life?  When Joshna is not brought home within my timing, do I trust that God still has her best interest in store?  Unfortunately, I would love to say yes--I do in my head--but I have forgotten this in my heart when I grumble and complain.  Thankfully, this is part of why Joshna's middle name will be Grace.  Whew...thank goodness for GRACE!  So what time is it?  Time to start trusting God and His plan, not mine.  Time to turn over my worries and cares for Joshna, knowing He is holding her in the palm of His hand and knows every hair on her head and every need she may have.  Time to be thankful for the time He is giving us to prepare.  And time to go to bed!

Paperwork to India!

Tomorrow the extensive paperwork we have been completing these past three years will finally be sent to India!  Sometimes the orphanage's filing system (a huge metal cabinet full of papers stuffed in no particular order) can lend itself to lost papers.  Please pray that our 10 pounds of paperwork (about 5 inches thick) would arrive in tact and would somehow stay on the top of every desk pile it may cross.  Pray that there would be no missing or extra required pieces that they request from us and that CARA will approve us to adopt Joshna very quickly.

We are grateful for the prayers and support during this time we wait for our daughter to come home!  We are so full of so many emotions that it is hard to put everything into words.  How can someone who does not know us or anything outside her small little world fathom the idea of joining a family?  Will she associate us with her family from our pictures and recognize us when we come to bring her home?  We are all so excited about this transition for our family that it is hard not to jump ahead of ourselves to think about that special day we come home with Joshna.  For now, I will just think about the paperwork...and the seven books and papers we have for our homework to prepare (which is due in two weeks--yikes!).  So if there are no updates in a while, you know why!  At least this will help pass the time.  :)

Introducing Joshna Grace Jones!

Now that we have signed the papers to adopt Joshna, we started a new blog with a different title using Joshna's name instead of Asha.  Now we can keep you updated on specific progress reports and prayer requests.  Today's prayer request is that we, in the midst of a very busy time with work projects and the PCA General Assembly, would be able to quickly finish notarizing paperwork, have it appostilled, and send it to Journeys of the Heart to be reviewed and sent to India.  From there, we need to seek approval from CARA (the Indian agency that approves all adoptions from there).  Please pray that they would approve us by September.  This is when the Indian courts reopen after monsoon season.  We greatly appreciate your prayers to bring Joshna home as soon as possible.  We will keep you updated as things happen!