It is 12:20 am (10:50 am in Chennai). Another night of not being able to sleep. Thoughts about Joshna go through my mind, yet I am powerless to bring her home any sooner. It is now the end of August, 2010, and there is absolutely nothing new to report. I am just as helpless tonight as I was when our paperwork was submitted. The only detail of significance is CARA (the organization in India that needs to approve us before we can go to the courts) is going through some "restructuring." What?!?!? Of all times to restructure they had to pick now! Don't they know a little girl is sitting in an orphanage waiting to join her family?
I keep myself busy reading the adoption books--whew, who knew there are so many out there! I am ready to sign up for all of the counselors and support groups east of the Mississippi. :) Between the delays in India and the parenting forecast these books give, there is potentially a great loss of hope. What was it that we called Joshna before we knew her name....Asha? Oh, that's right! Has it really been that long since I have thought of our daughter as Hope? We called her that to remind ourselves to hold onto hope when our circumstances told us otherwise.
Do I really trust God? Am I putting my hope in Him, or do I put my hope in the smooth sailing I expect in my life? When Joshna is not brought home within my timing, do I trust that God still has her best interest in store? Unfortunately, I would love to say yes--I do in my head--but I have forgotten this in my heart when I grumble and complain. Thankfully, this is part of why Joshna's middle name will be Grace. Whew...thank goodness for GRACE! So what time is it? Time to start trusting God and His plan, not mine. Time to turn over my worries and cares for Joshna, knowing He is holding her in the palm of His hand and knows every hair on her head and every need she may have. Time to be thankful for the time He is giving us to prepare. And time to go to bed!
