How is your weight?

A friend recently asked me, "How's your weight?"  "My weight?!?!?  Well, I have gained a few pounds.  Why do you ask?"  She replied, "Oh no!  No, not your weight!  Your wait!  How is the wait on the adoption going?"  I started thinking...how is my wait?  Am I filled with fear and distress, or am I filled with hope and confidence, trusting that God will complete His plan for us?  So much time has passed that I have begun to let doubt enter my thoughts.  Today and tomorrow mark the 3 1/2 year mark from the date we submitted our first round of paperwork and Joshna's 3 1/2 year birthday.  How many adoptions have I seen started and completed by others during this time?  Do I believe He is using this time to prepare Joshna and to prepare us?  Am I trusting that God truly is in control and has ordained a special time frame just for us?  Unfortunately, no.  Thankfully, God gives us grace....and He will give us Grace (Joshna's middle name)!  When my stepmother replied to an email requesting prayer for the adoption, she replied saying, "Thanking God in advance for the great things He will do!"  Wow!  When I think of that it gives me goosebumps.  God is doing great things and will continue to do great things!  Unfortunately, I have chosen to be blind to that at times.  He hears our prayers and is faithful to complete his work, despite our failure to trust Him.  So now when someone asks, "How's your wait?", I want to be able to respond that it is going well...that I am trusting God alone as His plan unfolds.

We do thank each of you for your prayers for Joshna's adoption into our family, and we look forward to the day we can send out updated news on how God has been at work!

Brilliant Light in the Midst of Darkness!

When I first heard Joshna's name (the Indian spelling of her name is Jyotsna), my first reaction was to search the meaning.  Unfortunately, I was unable to find an accurate description.  From what I could tell, I came to the conclusion that it was just the name of one of the Hindu goddesses.  I wrote a previous blog about my disappointment in not knowing the meaning...thankfully...because an Indian friend read the blog (thank you, Sonar!).  He inquired with his family to find the meaning of the name--a light.  But they said it is not just any light...it is a brilliant light in the midst of extreme darkness.  Wow!  What a sweet reference to the grace of God!  Such an incredible gift...this name of hers!  Little does our precious girl know the significance of her name when we use it to draw her into our family.  This one little piece of information came at such a needed moment as we wait.  It reminds me to keep my focus on Him, not on my own hopes and plans.

WANTED!...Seriously?!?!?!

Okay, fifth time's a charm!  Yes, we have now been fingerprinted on five separate occasions in order to bring home a little girl from India!  I know we seem "iffy" to some...but seriously!  Why can't the valuable time of government officials be spent doing more to be an advocate with the Chennai courts on our behalf to speed up the process to bring Joshna home...instead of taking our ever-changing fingerprints one more time (HA!)?  It has now been over one year since we first heard about our daughter, this specific child who has become so dear in our hearts despite never having met.  One year!  How have we spent that year?  Going to places all over the county to have our fingerprints taken again and again!  I am all for being safe when it comes to children being adopted internationally.  It is crucial to find safe, loving families for each one.  The amount of fingerprinting we have undergone, however, borders on harrassment.  We are officially registered with the Davidson County Police Department, Metro Nashville Public Schools, the Department of Homeland Security, the Federal Bureau of Inves-tigation, and the United States Citizen and Immigration Services.  Needless to say, we cannot even consider going back to the Bonnie and Clyde lifestyle that we once knew!  In case you are sensing my frustration over the delays, the repetitive paperwork and the multiple figer-printing sessions, you are correct.  I try to have a small degree of patience when it comes to the adoption.  After all, adopting internationally is not for the faint of heart. I am reaching my boiling point, however, and am as determined as wildfire to bring my daughter home!!!  Kindness and understanding have been my choice of attitude thus far.  Unfortunately, this is quickly changing with every day we wait to hear any little piece of information.  We need your prayers.  I personally need the grace to face each day.  My heart is hurting.  I grieve over every day not spent with our child.  She needs to be home.  Please pray for this to happen soon and for the ability to live each day to the fullest in the meantime.  It has now been two months since our approval from CARA.  Pray that our case would come before the Scrutiny Hearing soon and be referred on to the judge quickly.  Please pray for our family to travel to India before the end of the school year.  If this is not the plan for us, pray that our hearts would desire what God wants.  If I don't receive news soon, you all may just see me on a "WANTED!" poster when I go give everyone a piece of my mind...hee hee!

There's a wocket in my pocket???

Well, today is Valentine's Day.  That means our family, for the past fourteen days, has been giving each other little goodies to show a small token of our love and appreciation for each other.  These goodies--be it a homemade picture, silly band bracelets, or bubble gum--are placed in a special box or pocket made for each individual member of the family.  We call them "Love Pockets," after we discovered this idea from Ellie's preschool.  In case you may be wondering, yes, Joshna has her very own Love Pocket.  She is already a part of our family in so many ways, despite not being physically present, that we wanted her to know how much she is loved when she comes home to find her goodies waiting for her...even months after Valentine's is officially over.  Today's love pocket gift was a new thermos for the upcoming India trip.  Ellie received a blue thermos with her newest favorite character, Toy Story, while Joshna received a purple Tinkerbell one.  It has been special to find little treats for both girls!  I look forward to the day when they are both here to open next year's love pockets together!

I need to keep remembering this when I face rough days.  Yesterday during the worship service at church, I could not keep from crying.  It was breaking my heart to know Joshna was not there sitting with us, her family, where she belongs.  Ideally she would have come home on March 29, 2010...the day she was eligible for international adoption.  But God has another plan for our family.  I do appreciate this time to prepare for her homecoming.  I am just ready for that to happen.  The approvals seem to take so long!  We did just receive a Valentine email from our social worker saying she heard that our case has been filed with the Chennai court for our "scrutiny hearing" but to not count on anything happening for at least another month.  Even though this is good news, my heart is not becoming excited.  I am tired and worn down from this process.  After almost 3 years and five month of waiting, I am definitely feeling helpless and weak.  Yes, this is pointing me to God, who is not helpless and weak!  He will bring her home in His timing.  Until then, I will work on making the girls' room ready and wait....and wait....and wait!

Approval!!!

"Oh give thanks to the LORD for he is good;  for his steadfast love endures forever!"  -1Chronicles 16:34

Well, the long awaited day is here! We finally received our NOC (non-objection certificate) from CARA (Central Adoption Resource Agency). Our dossier was submitted in June, so we were very ready for this day! Just one week ago I wrote about my frustrations and how I was learning...and needed to continue to learn...to turn things over to God. I needed to trust in His timing, not mine. Well, His timing is perfect! He really did use this time to teach me complete reliance upon Him. I have a feeling we will be continuing to learn about His timing from this point.

The first question people have asked when they hear this news is, "What happens next?"  Well, here is what our social worker had to say, "The orphanage will be filing her case with the Chennai court within the next week and then there will be the Scrutiny and final hearings."  This sounds like great news--it is!  Unfortunately, the timing for the Indian courts is not the same timing for the US courts.  There are many national holidays, judges can change, judges go on holiday...you get the point.  Some people wait six or seven months for the court approval.  We do have one advantage in that our I-600 approval does expire in June, so hopefully they will expedite our case by that time, should we reach it.

Please continue to pray.  We do want to send out prayers of thanksgiving for God's mercy in giving us approval with CARA to adopt Joshna.  They could have requested much more paperwork from us, which would have slowed us down even more.  We are grateful for approval the first time! 

Please pray for Joshna to continue to be held safe in God's hands, for her to be surrounded by his Spirit, for her to be held and played with often, for her to have plenty of nourishment and rest, and for her to know of Christ's love and our love for her.  As she receives our family photo album, please pray that she would register who we are--her forever family.  Pray that she would begin to have an excitement to join our family.  Pray for her heart to be prepared for the huge change about to happen in her life with moving here and leaving all she knows.  Pray for her caregiver to be prepared for her to leave--that God will fill her heart with peace and with a potential child to care for in the future.  Pray for her health to remain strong through it all.  And once again, praise God for his goodness and love! 

Please also pray for our family here, as we undergo so much change.  Pray for Ellie to know without any doubts how much she is loved!!!  This will be a hard adjustment for her.  In reading this blog someday, she may see just how much we longed for Joshna and prayed for her to join our family.  Unfortunately, I did not blog when Ellie was born, otherwise there would be just as many posts about our prayers, excitement and anticipation of the day she would be born!  My heart yearned--and still does yearn--for our precious daughter, Ellie!  Pray that she would feel this love, that she would know she is not being replaced or becoming less important.  Pray that she would have a great love for her sister and that her sister would have a great love for her.  Pray that she would continue to have a good routine through the transition and that she too will feel God's love and our love for her.

As far as logistics go, please pray for a court date to be set soon.  Please pray for a favorable judge, one who will show up to court.  Pray for our acceptance of whatever timing is right for Joshna to come home, even if that means waiting even more months.  Pray for our faith in God to not waiver, for our trust to be in Him and not ourselves.  Pray that we will be able to communicate with the dear ladies at the orphanage (Christ Faith Home for Children in Chennai, India) just how much we love them and are grateful for them for caring for our precious girl!

Our hearts are so overwhelmed with many emotions right now.  We are just so grateful to our dear family and friends for your love and support throughout this process.  I know, the process is just getting started...it's called life.  God knows who we need for encouragement and love through the process.  Just know that we are grateful for the people he has put in our lives.  Thank you for the many prayers!

Praise the LORD!  Praise the LORD!!!

"Oh Where Is My Hairbrush???"--I mean paperwork?

For those of you who are familiar with the Veggie Tales silly songs, you probably know the one about the hairbrush....in fact, you probably can't get it out of your head right now.  "Oh where is my hairbrush?  Oh where is my hairbrush? Oh where, oh where, oh where, oh where, oh where...is my hairbrush????"  Well, instead of hairbrush, insert "paperwork."  I am asking that right now.  We have not had any negative news about misplaced paperwork, but I am beginning to feel that our paperwork could have been misplaced somewhere along the way.  Is it really in CARA's office waiting approval?  I just left a message for our social worker, so hopefully it will be checked and we will be given a response soon.  Who knows, the inquiry may just be what it takes to remind someone out there just how long we have been waiting.  Until then, I will try to keep trusting in God's perfect timing.  I will try to focus on what He is teaching me and how He is preparing our family during the wait.

No news for 2010...hurry home in 2011!

Christmas has come and gone.  Our prayers for Joshna to be home by then were not in God's plan.  Our prayers for news of acceptance by then were not in that plan either.  Tonight is New Year's Eve.  I have not blogged in such a long time because it has been so heart-wrenching!  There were times I burst into tears during the worship services this Christmas.  It is hard to live during this season of celebration when our daughter is not home.  It would have been a bit overwhelming for Joshna's adjustment for her to come home during Christmas.  If I had to admit it, I really did not want her to endure that.  What would have been a wonderful gift would have been to at least hear news that we had CARA approval.  To know we are moving forward would have been a great encouragement during a year of difficulties with the process.  Here it is, the end of 2010, and I feel we are where we were many months ago...waiting.  

It is hard to have people ask about news of the adoption because there never seems to be news.  Tears come to my eyes and a lump in my throat when people ask.  There is recognition of that emptiness, knowing Joshna is not yet home.  Not only that, but she does not even know about us.  Does she wonder why no one is adopting her when families come for the other children?  Does she cry for a mom?  Does she have any idea what is waiting for her--parents, sister, pets, extended family, close friends, and a community that has waited a long time for her?  

I want to know it will happen soon (especially since our US approval expires in June), but it is hard for me to pray for this anymore.  Is my faith really that shallow?  I know God knows.  I know He hears my heart, even when words cannot be articulated.  It just seems hard to believe that a little girl sits in an orphanage for an extended time when she could be with her family!  These are crucial years, and I want to be the one to have an impact on them.  I know, God is trying to teach me that He has the impact on all the years, not me.  He knows the right time, and He will raise her and protect her and provide for her while she is in India...and after coming home.  This knowledge still does not ease the heartache while we wait.  I want to post the blog that reads..."Approval!!!"  It would have been great to have this post dated in 2010.  At least something will happen in 2011.  Until then, the ticker of time waiting for Joshna ticks on....